#31-Take a Step Back

One of the many difficulties those of us who are in shidduchim experience is the feeling of being completely out of control of our circumstances. With many things in life, there are different things that we do that give us a feeling of control. However, when it comes to shidduchim, there isn’t much we can do. Of course, there is hishtadlus like davening, meeting and reminding shadchanim, and making sure we look presentable … but I’m referring to actually making it happen, & getting married. And that can be very scary, especially for those of us who are organized, like having a handle on things, type. (Like me😉) We want to feel like we have things under control.

I heard a very nice Daily Dose by Rabbi Eliyahu Maksumov a while back that connects to this topic. He said, “When you stand right in front of a brick wall, you’re not sure exactly what you’re standing in front of. All you can see is one brick. Take a couple of steps back, and you see that there’s a wall in front of you. Take another step back, and you see that there’s a building. Take another step back, and suddenly, you realize that you’re standing in front of, i.e., a school, shul, store… But you didn’t know that until you took a step back!

In this world, we’re too close to the wall. We can’t see what’s in front of us. We think we know everything, & think we understand, but we have to realize that we are limited. The only one who sees the full picture is Hashem. He’s been running the world from the beginning of time, & sees history from beginning to end. The reason why when we say Shema, we cover our eyes is to show that we can’t see everything. Our vision is limited. However, we give Hashem control and leave things up to Him because He knows what is best.”

I heard a great story that, regardless if it’s true or not, has a great lesson.

There was a young girl flying solo on an airplane. The flight was going smoothly when suddenly the plane was struck by terrible turbulence. All the passengers on the plane were scared for their lives, except for this young girl. The passenger sitting next to this young girl turned to her & asked, “Aren’t you afraid?” “Afraid of what?” was her reply. “This terrible turbulence,” said the man in surprise. “How are you so calm?” To which the girl replied, “ You know who is flying this airplane? My daddy! And I know that my daddy loves me & cares about me. He would never let me get hurt! So I know I’ll be fine in the end, & that’s why I’m so calm.” We sometimes forget that we are all that young girl on the journey of life. And at times, we are struck by real turbulence; things can feel so completely out of control. But we need to remember that there is a pilot, and that pilot is our father, Hashem. The turbulence may be really rough; however, who is directing this plane? Hashem! And He sees a destination, even when we don’t. We are headed to our destination. Hashem wants us to take our need for control and give it to Him because He is the most skilled pilot.

Recently, I went on vacation, and while on vacation, I had the experience of doing a 3-hour highway drive at night. I had done highway driving plenty of times, but the most I had ever driven on highways was two hours by day. I had been planning on doing this drive by day but ended up leaving the attraction I was at at sunset. That meant I would now drive for 3 hours on mountainous, unfamiliar roads, all at night. To be honest, I was terrified in the beginning. The highway I was driving on was pitch black, with no lights and not another car on the road, which only heightened my anxiety. Then I thought to myself, “Shira, as dark and as spooky as it is, there is a destination on your GPS, and in the end, you’ll get there." Once I thought that, I was suddenly overwhelmed by a feeling of calm and serenity and started to actually enjoy the drive. And then I thought to myself, this is exactly like life! Sometimes, we feel so lost and alone and don’t know how we’ll make it through. However, we need to remind ourselves that there is a destination at the end; we won’t be on this highway forever! Right now, we may not see it, but trust the “GPS!” When we realize that we don’t need to control everything in our lives, that is when we get real menuchas hanefesh.

We have to take a step back and realize that although we aren't in control, there is no reason to be afraid! Hashem is the one controlling all that we’re going through. He wants us to remember that He’s flying the plane and trust that He's getting us to our destination in the best way possible!