#2- Do You Have a Tricycle or a Car?

Since the beginning of time, the parsha of Shidduchim has always been a struggle. As the pasuk says, shidduchim is comparable to kriyas Yam Suf. That is reality. So, how are we expected to go through it in one piece?

I listened to an amazing lecture on this topic given by Rabbi Elazar Meisels (TorahAnytime); I’d like to share some of his thoughts. (FYI, he has tons of great speeches on the topic of shidduchim; I highly recommend!)

There is a rule in life: You don’t show up at a gunfight with a knife because you won’t come out alive. Meaning to say, it’s time to rethink how we approach this challenge. Since shidduchim is the stuff of nightmares, what are we doing to meet the challenge?

A good analogy is bike riding. When we were growing up, we started bike riding using a cozy coupe. When we got a bit older, we switched to a tricycle. Then we graduated to a training wheel bike and finally to a two-wheeler. But if we have to go somewhere today, we go by car. Because what worked for us when we were younger doesn’t work for us now. When all we had to do with our set of wheels was ride up & down the block, our tricycle was great! But if we need to drive from Brooklyn to Lakewood, a tricycle won’t cut it! We need a car!

Meaning to say, we don’t stay with our old modes of transportation forever; we upgrade as needed. The same should be with shidduchim.

If we’re going to face a challenge like shidduchim, we say we’ll have a lot of Emunah. But many people’s Emunah consists of Uncle Moishy’s “Hashem is here, Hashem is there"…. song! That’s just like the tricycle; it won’t cut it! As adults, we’re not facing challenges on the level of, “She got new earrings, and I didn’t!” We have real challenges and cannot bring our tools from 1st grade.

So first, it’s essential that we learn something daily on Emunah. We need to strengthen our Emunah muscles. We can’t wait until we are in a very challenging situation to start on it; by then, it may be too late! I recall a brilliant line that one of my high school teachers said; it still sticks with me to this day. She said, “Telling someone to work on their Emunah during a crisis is like telling someone to get fire insurance as their house is going up in flames. At that point, it’s too late!”

If we’re not strengthening this Emunah muscle daily, we won’t survive this challenge! So again, it’s really important that we learn something daily on Emunah. It doesn’t have to be anything major; reading a lesson a day from one of the books in the Living Emunah series is fantastic! But it should be a daily thing that becomes part of our schedule. If we do this, even when the winds are howling and it’s pouring rain, we will, with the help of Hashem, be able to weather the storm!