#17- How To Look At Rejection

A young woman came to the Chazon Ish, terribly distressed. She had been involved with shidduchim for a long time & had met many young men, but nothing had worked. “Am I so terrible?” she cried to the gadol hador. “Am I so lacking that no one wants me?”

The Chazon Ish responded softly, “Let me ask you a question. If you were asked to deliver a letter to the Cohen family on Rechov Rabbi Akiva 2, & when you arrived there, you found that Rechov Rabbi Akiva 2 is an apartment building with no names on any of the doors- what would you do?”

The young woman was taken aback by the question, but after thinking for a moment, she said, “I would knock on the first door I encounter on the first floor.”

“Correct,” replied the Chazon Ish. “And if the person opening the door told you, ‘No, we are not the Cohens, we are the Yitzchakis…the Cohens live upstairs on the third floor’ -what would you say? Would you respond angrily, ‘What do you mean you’re not Cohen? A chutzpah! You should be Cohen!’ Of course, you would not respond that way because you know that you can’t expect Cohen to be found in Yitzchaki’s apartment.

The same is true with shidduchim. Each time a shidduch does not work, it’s not a reflection on you. It simply means that you met ‘Yitzchaki’ when you were looking for ‘Cohen.’ I assure you that when you finally meet ‘Cohen,’ things will fall into place very quickly.”

I read the previous story in the book, “Rav Chaim Kanievsky on Shidduchim,” & really liked it.

Rejection, which is a given in shidduchim, can be quite painful. This story took some of the sting out of it. Instead of taking rejection so to heart & getting all insulted & making cheshbonos-“Oh, if only I would have this type of job, then he would’ve been interested!” or “If only my family would have more money/ yichus, then they would’ve given me a yes!” just remember that you were knocking at the wrong door!

When the right time comes, Hashem will quickly make the correct door open for you.