#13 What Are You Doing With This Time?

Last week, we said that one of the benefits of going through the hardships in shidduchim, specifically the waiting, is that when our yeshuah will finally come, it will be so much more meaningful.

In today’s segment, we will discuss the actual waiting process itself.

Many singles walk around with the mindset or belief of, “My life can’t start until I’m married."

I want to address this mindset because it has two major flaws.

Firstly, it's completely false.

Secondly, if you walk around with such a belief, you will be miserable! You’ll constantly be thinking, “It’s not fair! Why am I not married already? Everybody who is married has it so much better than me…” You’ll consistently be feeling a void inside, & will be feeling incomplete.

Another thing that shidduchim often does is that it knocks one's self-esteem. If things aren’t going as you’ve liked them to, it’s expected that your self-esteem will be directly affected. (We’ve discussed this more in-depth in one of the first segments in this group.) Therefore, it's extremely important that you don’t just sit around feeling sorry for yourself but instead find something that will keep you busy and fulfilled.

Last year, I was discussing with a former co-worker of mine, of whom I'm close, some of the challenges with shidduchim. This co-worker is now BH married with kids, but she had gone through difficulties with shidduchim herself, so I love (and still love😉) talking to her since she’s very understanding & validating.

I was telling her how I hate the short winter Motzei Shabbosos since Shabbos ends so early, I don’t have anything to do, & I always start thinking of what all my married friends are doing with their husbands. And she gave me a really good piece of advice. She said, “You need to find a hobby which you enjoy and develop it. And do that every Motzei Shabbos!”

This year, I felt like I really needed an outlet in general, not only on Motzei Shabbos & remembered my co-worker's advice. And I took her words to heart.

I am now learning how to play guitar; it’s something I’ve always wanted to do but felt like, “Oh, it’s never going to happen. I'm too old.” Well, now I made it happen, & what can I say? It’s a real game-changer! I find it so enjoyable & relaxing, & learning how to play a musical instrument really boosts your confidence & self-esteem! (And you become even more musical than when you started out, just as a side!)

It doesn’t necessarily have to be music, but find something you enjoy or a hobby you’d like to develop & go for it! Some ideas- Maybe join a class in a gym, take art lessons, music lessons, etc. Another idea is volunteering. Volunteering for a chessed organization is a really nice way to spend your extra time. You’ll come away feeling so fulfilled and happy inside, knowing that you’re making a real difference in someone’s life.

When you’re keeping yourself busy with something fulfilling, you’ll start noticing that your feelings of “I need to get married already” will begin dissipating. You'll stop feeling so desperate. Instead, you’ll be happy & content and feel like, “Hashem knows about me, and when He decides it’s my time, I’ll get my yeshuah!”

As an aside, your self-confidence and self-esteem will only change for the better.

So, find something to keep yourself fulfilled. And if you’d like to know of an awesome guitar teacher, reach out to me. I’d be glad to share her number! :)