#4 UFO’s and Princesses

Last week, we talked about the shame-blame cycle. We said the feeling behind the checking-off-box mindset is a subconscious feeling of shame. We feel inferior, & defective due to our circumstances, so we start blaming ourselves. “There must be something wrong with me,” or “I’m not enough.”

We talked about the concept of our feelings being influenced by our thoughts. If our thought process is, “I’m such a failure,” then we feel like a failure. We ended by saying that although this mindset is understandable, it is entirely false.

In today's segment, we'll discuss how to practically deal with our thoughts and feelings.

What we need to do is look at our circumstances as completely separate from who we are as a person. This is actually not as hard as it sounds.

Why does Hashem give us challenges? The purpose is so that we can evolve, & work on ourselves, & become better through our challenges. The stigma society has of those who go through hardship (thinking that they are less than) is mistaken!

Our avodah is to take this concept, which we know on a logical level, & ingrain it on an emotional level as well. We need to become one with it. So how do we do this? How do we view our challenge as something that makes us greater and not the opposite?

This is what we’re going to be discussing today.

It’s a 3-step process, using the acronym UFO, & it really works! I heard about this 3-step process in a class given by Mrs. Yael Bertram, certified life coach & speaker on TorahAnytime, and have implemented it since. It really, really works and is a game-changer!

Step 1- Uncover the Voice of Shame- That voice that is constantly berating us, giving negative messages about what we’re going through. Instead of allowing it to reign freely over our subconscious, it's time to uncover it, face it, and say, “Shame, what are you saying?” and write it down. Is Shame saying that because of our challenge, we are less than others who aren’t experiencing our challenge? Is it that we’re defective in some way or broken?

We want to uncover it so that we can remove some of its poison and lessen its control over us. Now that we have it out there, we have control over it.

Step 2- Flip Around the Shame Statement to Something That’s Empowering-

We need to ask ourselves, what do I want to be believing instead? What statement do I want to create so that I do not live by this subconscious toxic message that’s permeating my being?

We should turn the old, negative, shameful statement 180 degrees and transform it into a message that makes us feel alive, open, and expanded. Some ideas- My challenges make me great! or This challenge is leading me in the right direction toward my ultimate purpose in life! or What I’m going through is making me into an even greater person, a more authentic person, a more sensitive and understanding human being!- Whatever you need to say that will make you feel alive, that makes you feel amazing.

Step 3- Get Onboard and Believe Your New Statement With Every Fiber of Your Being-

Now that we know all this in our minds, we need to prove it to ourselves with evidence from our lives. Think, in what way has this challenge pushed me past my comfort zone? (There’s nothing that pushes us past our fears and comfort zone like pain.)

In what ways have I grown, blossomed, and changed because of this experience? What lessons have I learned from this experience, and how have I applied them to my life? In my middos- Am I now a more compassionate, caring, non-judgmental person? Am I more human, more relatable? Do people now feel more comfortable talking to me because I don’t have a facade up; they can tell that I’ve been through things in life? Keep going with this list until you’re not only not in a place of shame but a place of pride, to the point that when you think of your challenge, you can hold your head up high, feeling like a princess, because this challenge is what’s getting you to higher & higher places!!

Doing these three steps (UFO) will help you handle your challenges with much more ease. You’ll be able to transcend your challenges, be an example for those around you, and empower them!